is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it's like iHOP with fire
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
