so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
