help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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