Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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