nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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