I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
