btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
