i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize