Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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