I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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