he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize