Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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