I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
