Betty ford says i'm here all night
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize