you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
