Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
