Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
