Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
