If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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