just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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