Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
