I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
