The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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