I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
