Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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