There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
