I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
