she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize