It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
