Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
