Im at strip club and am horny
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
