If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
