Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He better not be in your backpack
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
