Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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