He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
