I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
