My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The air taste purple.
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