3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I've blown a few things in my day
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
