Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
