Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
