How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i think i have two assholes
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
