God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
