I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
