Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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