i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
