eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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