too bad you live with your parents still
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
