Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
