i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
