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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Whats the count minus fat chicks?

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.

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• (435): View more from Utah

  I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit

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