I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
