We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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