he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
