your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
