So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
