Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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