i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
