I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
