i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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