I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
