It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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