i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
