I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it glows. i had to have it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
