Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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