she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
