I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
