remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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