He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
